Sometimes mother would call me into her bedroom and make small talk as she sat before her vanity -- brushing her hair, painting her nails, and doing her makeup. She was usually wearing little more than a bra, panties, garter belt, nylons, and heels. Sometimes, she might also have on a filmy peignoir or negligee, or a slip. I loved these intimate moments together. Mother was very beautiful and I was fascinated and fell in love with the way she seductively painted her lips and the way she tipped her head and smiled at me when putting on her earrings. She must have sensed the love and fascination in my eyes. Years later I realized she was deliberately seducing me -- using feminine beauty and charm to weaken my masculine identity.Once, after seductively applying layer after layer of shiny red lipstick, she turned toward me and said, "Would you like to try it, sweetie? Wear lipstick like mommy? Just for fun, honey. It'd make mommy so happy."She noticed my puzzlement and confusion. On the. Natural labor was taking course so I elected to wait being touched by his attempt to come on his own terms. We decided then and there that the grieving was over. We would take whatever time we had and cherish it. My only stipulation on the day of delivery was very clear to all, my son need to be touched by his parents his condition permitting. I didn’t care what part or for how long just so we touched him. I told my OB, all the NICU doctors, and anyone else that would listen. The day of his delivery began early in the morning. It was a natural delivery with little in the way of pain medication because of the time and his condition. As soon as he was born he was whisked to the other side of the room. I will never forget how silent the room was. Not a sound from him just the voices of the nurses and doctors as they took his vitals. They cleaned him up and prepared him to go straight to the NICU. As they passed by the table they paused for a moment and said we could touch his foot. We.
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